Tons of wishes, lots of gifts, delicious cake, endless chocolates, world class celebration, birthdays were the days which almost every kid look forward to. Probably the only day when he is the center of attraction for whole world (ofcourse, for a kid his family and friends comprises the world), the only day when to distribute the chocolates he can go near to the prettiest girl of his class, the day when he can be the colorful while rest of the school is in black and grey. But as you grow older, the cakes are no more delicious but effective cosmetic product for facials; sweet chocolates are replaced with sour peanuts (popularly known as ‘chakna’) and the glasses filled of ‘roohafza’ are taken over by bottles of beer! And if with great conspiracy of almighty, at one of your 25+ birthday you decide to get blessing of your parents forgetting with a blessed family comes free advising neighbors, you realize sometimes for the same aunties and uncles who used to get more excited than you on your first birthday, your birthday is no more “Happy” celebration time. Its time to give you a reality shock which you might not have faced even after hundreds of tequila shots!
At your 26th birthday, if you are still unmarried IT guy who haven’t seen any country outside India, for your neighborhood aunty there might not be any poor unhappy pity guy than you in this world. If you are an engineer beware, this aunty is smarter and more dangerous than your college HOD whom you thought to be the guy straight from hell. The questions are trickier than job interview and one wrong answer can lead to hours of lecture!
Everything starts with a smiling “Happy Birthday” wish and a follow up question, “Kitne saal ke ho gaye beta?” And if you 25+, probably this is the last answer you will be giving with a real smile on your face.
And then comes that pity look which will scare the hell out of you and makes you to think “Did any priest predicted at time of birth that m gonna live only for 26 years and this is my last birthday! Oh God! Are you going to call me? Aunty, say something!”
Aunty: “Oh beta! You are 26 and still in India. It is almost 3 years you are in IT, did you never got an opportunity to visit America? That Mr. Verma’s son, the year he joined IT, he flew to America !”
Every place outside India is not America, aunty. He went to Qatar, where he was not allowed to roam after 6 in evening and his was more worried about coming back than staying there. But all this you can just keep thinking as you never get a chance to speak!
“And that sunny, he is too flying to America for 3 years! But only if you work hard, you will get a chance. You have to be good performer to get such a chance. Also, work on your communication, they don’t send anyone with bad English to America”
Aunty, I was one of the best performers for consecutive 2 years, what good you want me to do now. And good English, are you kidding me! The guy who used to ask me to frame his introduction mail, the only English words he knew were Yes, No and Sorry is working in one of the best cities of world! But its better to be silence than to offend by contradicting the ‘gyan’ of ever intelligent aunty.
“So beta! From this birthday take a pledge that you will work hard and will go to America!”
Pledge!!! God, this has to be stopped!
“Na aunty, I had an opportunity, but I wanted to stay in India…” And even before you finish, you will hear the thunderous laughter you might have ever heard. You are looked as if you are Rahul Gandhi who just told that he had an opportunity to be PM but decided not to! And that laugh will make you speechless! But your aunty is never gonna be questionless and thoughtless!
“Okay! Leave it beta.”
Thank God! If it would have continued for one more minute I would have filed a petition to Indian government to declare offsite IT guy as ‘minority’ and asked to grant special benefits for us.
“So have you started looking for a girl for marriage?”
Damn! Not another one!
“No aunty, as you said, I have to work hard, so working on career” Yes! Now I can make her speechless. But wait, did I?
“Rehne do beta! You are in IT, living away from home since last 10 years, definitely you must be having a girlfriend. Something is fishy, tell me, I will talk to your mother!”
Look at me aunty, the after effects of 10 years. Hairs on the verge of getting extinct, the body can’t shrink further, the eyes can’t see the world without spectacles and if it continues, sooner I will be offered a role of ‘zombie’ in Hollywood flick. And you are asking me about girlfriend!? But answering an aunty’s question leads to another unanswerable question. So the best thing is find an excuse to run away!
“Arey aunty, mummy ko doctor ke pass le jana tha, will catch you later!”
So guys! Sometimes its good to be alone than to be at home! And just for reality shot, if you are a 25+ unmarried IT guy, there is not gonna be anymore “Happy” Birthday! 😀
P.S.: The above mentioned narration is completely out of imagination and has no relation with me or my birthday. But there are chances that this can be the real story of one of my friends 😛
P.P.S.: With a blessed family, comes free advising neighborhood!